Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

As a non-famous writer, I don’t get asked a lot of questions about myself. I’ll try to anticipate what you might ask me. If you have a good question, drop me a line, and I might add it here.

Are you really a Laird?

Kind of. I bought a Lairdship for grins, and also to support Scottish forest conservation. Mostly it’s something I use so people can Google me.

Does this annoy the acclaimed horror writer Laird Barron?

I surely hope not. Laird Barron is an amazing writer who could also kick my ass clear to the moon, and so I hope he’s cool with it.

We are, we assure you, very different people.

Is Sel Souris a real island?

As long as a single human heart believes in it, then yes, Virginia, there is a Sel Souris

How do I book a trip to Sel Souris?

Um. That could be a little more complicated. Hey, look over there….(smoke bomb)

How can I show you I’m your Number One Fan

1. Buy my books. It sounds almost ridiculously obvious, but it truly matters. If you want to see more books published, sales matter

2. REVIEW my books. Reviews on Amazon and other online retailers make a huge difference to how prominently they display books. Sometimes, it’s more important to ranking than sales. Even a sentence or two helps. Reviews on blogs and social media and Goodreads are also golden. You don’t have to gush, but if you like them, let people know

3. Become a Laird or Lady. The good folks at Highland Titles will sell you one, and you’ll be doing your bit to help save a forest. Then use your lairdship or ladyship on social media, so I feels just a little less like a jackass. But mostly, it’s the charity thing. It’s a good cause, and a fun way to support it.

4. Find my overturned car in a snowbank, and nurse me back to health, all the while telling me how much you love Silver Bullets and get increasingly angry about how long the sequel is taking. Get me addicted to an opioid and shatter my ankle. Then force me to write the sequel, which is, by the way, called “The Man They Literally Could Not Fucking Hang.” on a typewriter that has some broken keys.

Tell me. You can contact me right here.

Gordon J. Asks: Are you planning any road trips soon?

Seeing as you quoted the section on being my number one fan in your request–no, I don’t think I will.

But seriously, when Sleeping Underwater comes out, I may try to book some signings in a few places. It’s hard to say. My day job is very very busy just now.

Sky S. Asks: Where is your right hand in that bio photo?

It’s in my long long jacket sleeve.

No. Wait. Shark attack. That sounds cooler. It’s a total lie, but it’s cooler